I would never have thought that my anxiety was a thing of ‘beauty’. In fact, that would have been the last word I would have chosen to describe my lifelong condition. My anxiety can be summed up as a tumultuous ride of endless spinning, with high ups and downs that often left me feeling numb. Once my thoughts started to snowball, I couldn’t get them to stop. This process only heightened my anxiety and completely took control of my mind and body. I felt like I had lost control of not only my thoughts, but also my well-being. This whole experience is one that I do my best to avoid, but can never really escape.
I have just recently come to terms with my condition; seeking help in the form of medical, holistic and therapeutic avenues. I have been successful in resting these thoughts and getting back to feeling like myself again. I often associate my battle with depression and anxiety to that of the character, Elsa, from the Disney movie, “Frozen.” If you aren’t familiar with the movie, it’s a story of a young queen her struggles with her identity of having “cryonesis” powers. Elsa’s ability to manipulate the cold weather left her feeling scared, alone and fearful of something that she felt no one understood.
"As Elsa learned to control and find beauty in her powers, so to can you learn to find balance and beauty in your life as well."
As a young girl, Elsa was told that, “there is beauty in her powers, but also grave danger. She must learn to control it because fear will be her enemy.” As Elsa had felt with her own powers, I feel with my own battle with anxiety. There is danger in it being left untreated, and to not recognize when outside help is needed. In the same way, there is beauty in something when it can be controlled and maintained. For me, I have found that beauty in my writing and being able to share my stories and observations through my words. Writing is my art, my escape from reality, and from the pangs of my anxiety. Writing is my thing of beauty, and the avenue that has saved me from a path of danger.
When I start to feel my mind begin to race, I will turn to my computer keyboard and begin to write. As my mind wants to run away with negative feelings and emotions, I let my fingers type away, to slowly release the anxiety that wants to take over. Writing not only calms me, it is also what inevitably saved me from this underestimated disease. The beauty of words, both in writing and in reading them, has been my way to control these ‘powers’ of anxiety.
As someone who may suffer from the same thoughts and feelings as I do, it helps to find what brings beauty to your life. When you find the avenue that calms your thoughts, and puts you in a relaxed state, then you are on the right path to controlling your fears and emotional rollercoasters. As Elsa learned to control and find beauty in her powers, so to can you learn to find balance and beauty in your life as well.